Saturday, November 25, 2006
As you sit by my side
battling your way through notesi feel myself struggling to believe
what you envisioned us sharing
in the future
strangely,
there was never rage
just tears of
realising
how little i must have meant.
am i lying to you now
like you did
with my every show of care and love?
or has my heart
decided to
forgive and forget
regardless of what my mind has been insinuating
ruthless scenes of rejection
to be performed
in a facade that
nothing in those two years ever mattered.
the little oven posted at 3:02 AM
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Monday, November 20, 2006
hurt
resignation
and silent tears
overwhelms me
when i see reminders
of what you have done.shirt
laptop
camera
places
which i once thought
held memories shared
only between us.
why is my world
and the things i used to love
becoming a dread
to even look upon?
i know how hard you try. now.
but i wish
i have the belief in us
to try
as hard i did then.
the little oven posted at 12:07 PM
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Thursday, November 09, 2006
Too many things had happened between us.no amount of words could express
that stark moment of truth
the searing pain of realisation
that i was inadequate.
and inferior
to all that she had promised.
I wish i never knew.
or that i could now have enough love for you
as I had,
to forget
and move on together.
But i fear that i am already feeling too weary
and afraid
to give you my all
as i once did.
the little oven posted at 12:40 PM
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Monday, February 20, 2006
i know we've talked about this before.
a past that made you who you are today.
your shattered dream never came true.when she decided,
with a realisation too late,
that you are where she belongs -
with a strange sense of reciprocity
you denied her that special special place in your heart,
just as she did then.
and promising a most insecure victor that
you've moved on,
and looked beyond.or so you say.but still,
you create traces of her in your life
or perhaps in your everyday.
in the places you once imagined sharing your deepest thoughts and love with her.
help me, tell me, remind me to
accept the things i cannot change
and embrace the whole you, past and present.
the little oven posted at 6:15 PM
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Saturday, January 21, 2006
almost came down with flu but managed to stop it from becoming worse. so now it's just a blocked nose.2nd week of term has passed...so quickly my uni education will come to an end. It did not seem too long ago when i stepped into NUS starting a new chapter in life. so much to say yet it shall not be tonight that i delve into my almost 4-year stint.not when i feel that that fatigue once again.
manifested in a very heavy heart,and feelings of wanting to run away from it all again.8 more days to your return.
the little oven posted at 12:13 AM
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Tuesday, January 17, 2006
back at home after a short day in school. Prof Pakir's module seem so much work. She's so, too academic. "please write in grammatical and idiomatic english", just as she said, she is kind of a schizophrenic between prescribing and describing grammer. Lots of readings to be done, and a group project to be started soon. She expects alot, perhaps she expects what is expected of an honours year student. I don't feel the same level of pressure to perform from other modules. Ho's module is the total opposite - he's slack and wierd! he grades by putting into categories - student, teacher or author?!?! haha. Grading to him is pure pain, as he said, "how can a human being grade another human being?" ;p i have to agree with that.Down with exams.Not that i have many more to take. Just one more. Just ONE more.i am worried about my breadth. Chemistry in Space. I have just looked through the tutorial and there is so much maths! @.@ how how. Should i go for General Biology instead? oh man. can't you be more decisive??? arrgh.
the little oven posted at 5:34 PM
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Corrinne May's concert tickets are running out...left with only the last 2 rows.
oh man :( will try to get them today!Her songs mean alot. to us.
i remember introducing her to you during one of our late nights of chatting and little mugging.we find comfort in her, up till this day.
How did we feel last time?
perhaps happiness and contentment despite the tiredness.
what about now?
i always ask myself.
"so many scratches" as you said, were what i have gave to us.
I feel the presence of the other so strongly now.
the other of your past, you insisted.
who left you crying and pleading to be part of her world.
i am so tired of myself.
the little oven posted at 9:32 AM
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so i am back here again.
seeking for a space..and hoping to find comfort in these words.yes a plain blogger template. i forsaw it will be tiring to search at blogskins.
sometimes simple things are the best.
perhaps they are, all the time.the choking feeling,
the aftermath
of a realization that i am still as i am,
jeopardizing all that we have,
even after countless promises and exasperated tears.i just don't know what i am searching for anymore.
the little oven posted at 12:32 AM
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Thursday, November 03, 2005
one more last assignment, an individual essay that can be based on out presentation last week. hmm, there isn't really much to say but i guess i am already done with the draft. so will jsut work on it till the hand-up date next mon.time really flies. it is already the 2nd last week of semester, with the lecturers tying up loose threads etc. time for the student feedback. and also the many many presentations i sat through, stoning quite abit. heh.think i spent much of this sem quite affected by his taking off. but i am coping so much better with it now..thanks to friends who were there for me. hugs to you all! heh, you know who you are yah. grin... :) am really thankful for his patience and understanding, bearing with me through this period.your birthday is coming really soon! ;) in 5 days! heh you will have your friends and other november babies over there to celebrate with you. grin. it will be yet another great feast and pressie time at Regent's! :) perhaps they will try to make you drunk again yah ;pthinking about us spending your birthday and our 1st year anniversary apart. such a special special day. can't help but feel kinda sad and disappointed that it has to be this way. but it can't be helped...just that it is a little hard to know that i will be alone, remembering how we started~ though i really really wish i could be there with you...i will try my best to be strong and take comfort in knowing that this day means as much to you as it means to me.
the little oven posted at 9:53 PM
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