Saturday, October 29, 2005
lexocology presentation is over! : ) actually i quite enjoyed doing it. It felt uncertain at first especially the theory parts but we managed to pull through. stayed till 6am in the morning and trudging home to sleep for 4 hrs then went back to school! crazy schedule but i was glad things turned out pretty well. It feels good to know that you have worked hard and tried your best for something.Now onto argumentation. due on mon. alot alot of touching up to be done for the final draft, but i am really thankful she requested for a first draft. Now we just need to really work on the written essay. somehow it is less daunting as we know we already have a script done.things have changed between us. and i think for the better? though i feel kinda awkward talking to you...and i am a little bit worried about this. but i will not think too much. glad for the trashing out on the morning of 20/10/05. thankful for the words that you have used to wake me up, to get me to change my perspective. all that you said are true, i am grateful that ypu have spoken your mind. i have really tortured you enough, let me make up to you this time k.but i need to get used to us again...i feel that there is now a certain caution. a certain fear within us...i wonder if you feel it too? a hesitation in speaking, or the silence that hangs. i sometimes feel that you have nothing to say to me, will this amount to an eventual communication breakdown? just afraid that we might be like a broken mirror, with permanent cracks. will these cracks ever be mended or forgotten?so many questions that we cannot answer.previously my rationality was strong enough to suppress the emotional monster within. but now, as i grow more and more attached, it is no longer manageable. it wins over all, all, all the time. i am scared myself, while knowing that only i can control it and that i must be brave and face it. finally realised, in looking at myself, how easily emotions can overshadow all reason. need to be rational again, need to self-talk through things.will i be brave enough to face the you i hurt so much when the time comes? i am apprehensive about the day we shall meet again, after all that has happened. will we be more like strangers? i should be looking forward, i should be counting down to that day. but now, it feels different. it's like getting back a test result, but knowing that you have not performed well. you just wonder, how bad will it get.but i promised to be positive. leave out the bad, worse and worst scenarios. i just need to learn to lead a happy life, with or without you by my side.a month and a bit more - i am trying.
the little oven posted at 12:56 AM
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